When I was in elementary school we had a fish — in a fish tank — at the back of the classroom. A bulge began growing on the side of the fish. We thought the fish was pregnant. The year started with one teacher but her husband was diagnosed with cancer so she retired early and the rest of the year we were taught by a substitute. I remember this woman clearly because she had medium length hair that she styled with products, it looked blow dried and fancy. I don’t think I had ever seen a woman who looked like she spent time on her hair. She tried to explain to her second grade classroom the fish could not be pregnant because there was no other fish in the bowl. We guessed how many baby fish there would be and if they would also be gold. One day the tank was gone. She could have told us the fish was recovering, the baby fish were going to pet stores. She told us she came in and the fish was floating upside down dead and she drained the tank.
This was my second experience with death. The first was our dog, Tanya. Tanya was the family dog before I was born and at some point I realized the dog was very old and I became terrified to look at her. When the dog came into the room I would hide. I know I wasn’t scared about seeing the dog die, I think in my mind I was scared that if I looked at the dog I would miss her when she died. I wanted to pretend the dog was already dead so the moment I knew she was dead it wouldn’t feel so bad.
We are creating an iOS app/ecosystem for end of life planning. The response has been very good and positive and testers are excited they could use such a thing. I would not. I don’t want to think about what happens after I’m dead. The good and bad part of death seems to me that you are free of all feeling. You enter the void — there is nothing. That’s the point.
