There are plenty of things I am going to remember and plenty of things I won’t
one thing I will
to the people who knew they would get through this and land on the other end, the uncertainly and anxiety and pain and worry and anxiety was annoying. It was sad, you felt pity but thank god it’s not my problem.
When you email a tenured professor about what a difficult time you are having and how scared you are about the future and they tell you in so many stated nicely words that is super duper sad but what can I do — virus and stuff. No one saw a pandemic coming, Ill give everyone that, but a recession, an economic event, a different avenue of shock event — that idea never came to anyone’s mind no back up plan to help the students who sunk their lives and their money and might not enter the workforce to open arms.
Have you tried messaging people on LinkedIn?
If I was in the same boat knowing that this was temporary and my life was waiting maybe a little dusty on the other side I could do the same thing. You can compartmentalize a hand full of sad stories in a world cut wide full of sad stories right now. I don’t feel like there’s an other side for me — the stink of having no experience with enterprise level software will never get off me. I am tech employment trash.
I went running today and I slipped on the sidewalk and I was fine but I sat on the edge of a street level stone window recess and cried for ten minutes ? A stress and frustration cry no one could see because I had sunglasses on and there were so many people around to see. I walked home and there were people everywhere, on every sidewalk, riding bikes in the street, running on the sidewalk, walking right next to each other in groups of three and four, sitting in cars together. If I’m going to get the rona I might as well get it now when I have health insurance.You can sit in your one bedroom apartment day after day and feel anxious. I am amazed how long I can spend staring at a screen, then moving to a screen, back to the screen. I made a fuss last semester about my dislike of screens now my whole world is a screen. I can sit and read about how bad things are getting in the news. Then I can log onto social media and read confirmations “is it this bad” “yes its this bad — and its going to get worse.” I stare and stare and accomplish nothing but my mind is completely blank the whole time. You can sit in front of your laptop and feel anxious or go for a walk and try to dodge the many groups of everyone out for a walk and that doesn’t feel great.
